Unrequited
by Dark Refugee
Summary: Prequel to 'A Knight of Spira'. Also a stand alone story. A story of five years after Time Compression. A time of growth and discovery, with all the heartache therein. Squall/Rinoa
1. Train, Train, Take Us Away

_Refugee Author's note. This fic is a collaboration between Refugee and Darkintrigue. It's a prequel to 'A Knight of Spira', but it also works as a stand alone. It concentrates on a five-year period after Time Compression, centering on Rinoa and Squall, and their growth as individuals. There may be battles, yes, but it's mostly a human story. I hope you enjoy._

_A note on the story structure. We want to try some different things, so we're using multiple views (first and third person). The story is told by a series of flashbacks. As a general rule, though there are exceptions; first person is the present, third person is the flashback. _

_Darkintrigue Author's note: I may have more to say in later chapters, but for now, my contribution to the author's note section is this: enjoy. _

_**A boy's will is the wind's will,  
And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts.**_

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

_I'm eighteen. For Hyne's sake, no one should experience what we did in a single lifetime. Much less someone who isn't even done with puberty._

My gaze lingers out upon the countryside, the train chewing up the miles as it rode along in a blur. It seems a fitting counterpoint to my life thus far. My entire life, I had trained to be a deadly weapon, one that did its job well, apparently.

Ultimecia has been defeated, the world restored to order. I have fame, fortune, companions, everything except that which I truly want. Rinoa

I had emerged from the Second Sorceress War victorious. My companions had been of one mind on the journey. I struck the last blow against the Sorceress from the future. For the world, it meant everything. For me, it meant nothing.

Peace time is alien to me. I've been trained for war; I thrive in such an environment. There is no more war. The world's current state requires weapons of a different sort.

Make no mistake, there are battlefields in a time of peace, but they are abstract. Words, emotions, ideas are the weapons on this field of honor. I've never wielded them. I don't know how.

I shift my gaze from the window. I stir in my seat and notice several of the denizens of the train pointing at me and whisper amongst themselves. I know what they are saying. "That's Squall Leonhart, one of the people who killed the Sorceress." I want to tell them 'I'm not what you think. I'm a moron who can't even hold onto that which he loves most.'

I've resigned from Garden. I'm not going to learn what I need to know there. There are too many ghosts, too many things that will keep me the same old Squall forever.

Somehow, I have to find my way. The way to exist in a world of peace. I will start with Laguna. I don't dare call him father, not yet. Who knows what the future holds there? All I know is, it's tearing me apart. I have to try.

I sigh, and begin looking out the window once again. _Rinoa, where did it all go wrong?_

It had all started so well.

**oooooooooooooooooooooooo**

Squall played with his food absently, his spoon stirring the soup into swirling patterns as his companions chatted. Gathering in the cafeteria for lunch had become something of a habit in the month since Ultimecia's defeat. It was the only time he really had for them.

He didn't know how to be a Commander. He knew the physical aspects of the job. The leadership aspects he was somewhat comfortable with, although others looking to him for decisions that meant life or death was potentially terrifying. The desk aspect of his job was the most crippling factor.

So often, he felt he was just pushing pieces of paper from one end of the desk to another. Reviewing contracts alone was overwhelming. Squall was sure that Garden's legal consultants were busy contemplating increasing their retainer fee. They had spent many hours explaining to him what certain clauses meant.

Squall was far from stupid, and was a quick study, but there was so much to learn. His desk was flooded with requests to hire SeeD. Much of it was simple guard work, and Garden's fees would likely scare many of them off, but a surprising amount were still willing to pay.

It had taken him a few days, but he had organized a workable system for dispatching various SeeDs to their duties. However, it didn't happen quickly. Reviewing files and determining who was best for an assignment was not an instantaneous process.

He could have assigned just anyone, but SeeDs were individuals with their own strengths and weaknesses. Squall was just too conscientious to take the easy way out. Himself and the meager staff Cid had given him were simply overworked. There was no end in sight.

Personal computers had begun to flood the market after Esthar's emergence from isolation and Squall imagined they might make his job much easier. Despite the use of a mainframe, with numerous terminals for student use, the Headmaster deemed computers for office workers a needless expense.

He preferred the old fashioned way of paperwork. The Commander thought that Cid was too hidebound for his own good in many ways.

His hand continued to stir as he looked up to regard his friends. He should have sent them on missions like other SeeDs. He couldn't bear to have them leave just yet, but he knew it was inevitable. It had only been a month since Time Compression. He almost wished they were on their journey again, just so things could always stay the way it had been.

_I'm not ready to be Commander._

"Yo, Squall!" Looking over in surprise, he met Irvine's grinning gaze. "Better stop that spoon, sunshine, or you'll suck us all in."

Squall glanced down at his soup. His stirring had caused the soup to spill over the edges, the soup forming a whirlpool, the bottom of the bowl visible through the vortex. He laid his spoon on the table, "Yeah."

Selphie nudged him in the ribs, "Cheer up," She added teasingly, "Commander Happycheeks."

Squall wielded his spoon again with murderous intent, but was interrupted by a sudden, amused clearing of the throat. Quistis regarded him, "I wouldn't worry, Squall. Odine wouldn't dare try anything. She'll be back any time now."

Rinoa had left a few days earlier to be checked up on by the eccentric genius of Esthar. She had apparently lost all Sorceress powers in the effects of Time Compression. She wanted to be sure. Squall felt it unlikely she retained any. He certainly did not feel the faint bond that had existed in his mind upon swearing the Knight's oath to her. He was far from experienced in such matters, though.

_I'm far from experienced in anything besides swinging a gunblade around, _he thought absently.

Zell took just enough time from devouring a hotdog to say and point, "Speak of the devil."

Squall looked up and light was a part of his world again. Rinoa had just entered the cafeteria and was wending her way towards them. She sat down next to him, and kissed his cheek as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

The Commander couldn't help but blush a tiny bit. The simple act of touching another was quite new, and he still didn't know what to make of it. Squall decided he was growing to like the new sensations.

Rinoa grinned at all of them, "The tests were negative."

Selphie threw a fist in the air, "Grats Rinny!"

Quistis raised an eyebrow, "He decided that so soon?"

Rinoa waved a hand, "Oh, he wanted to try all sorts of things." Her face grew troubled for a moment, "He put me to sleep for one, and I decided I wasn't going to trust him any further."

Squall frowned, "Was it supervised?"

She nodded, "Laguna sent some soldiers, but it's not like they really know what he's doing with all that fancy equipment."

The Commander stated, "If he did anything funny, I'll kill him."

Rinoa nudged him gently, "Relax, Squall. You're not a Knight anymore." She looked at him innocently, "Just a sex toy."

The liquid Selphie had been drinking spewed out in a spray, as they all began laughing at a suddenly crimson Squall Leonhart.

Squall glanced at his watch. For once, he was grateful lunch hour ended. "I…um…have to get back to work."

They were still laughing as Squall left the lunch room. He let a half smile spread across his lips. Funny, he didn't mind the teasing all that much anymore. He entered his office to find Cid inside, organizing the paperwork to his own unknown set of specifications. Matron was standing off to one side of the desk.

The Headmaster smiled at him, "Ah, Squall. I've been waiting for you."

Squall saluted out of ingrained habit, "Sir."

Cid chuckled, "One day, I will break you of that habit, my boy." He moved one last bit of paper and regarded the Commander fondly. "Edea has brought it to my attention, that unlike the others, you have not as yet taken any time off after your little ordeal."

Squall stated curiously, "No, sir. There's no need, I assure you."

Edea interrupted him, "Hush, Squall. I will fill in for my husband while he fills in for you."

The Headmaster smiled, "Commander, I hereby order you to take a vacation. I needn't remind you that Rinoa Heartily is still a client of this Garden. You are to take her with you and show her the best time you are capable of."

Despite himself, Squall smiled, "Yes, sir."

Edea shooed him out the door, "Off with you, Squall. Enjoy yourself." She closed the door behind him and looked at her husband, "There is no mistake. He is still a Knight. He just doesn't know it."

Cid sighed and cleaned his glasses, "I know, dear. I recognize the signs as well."

"There will be trouble, eventually. They are too young for this." She crossed her arms and looked at him, "The question is, what we do?"

The Headmaster shrugged, "Nothing, dearest. We let nature take its course. Even if they break apart, the bond will draw them back together." He put his glasses back on. "Though as much as they both suppress the knowledge, it may take years. We must be patient."

**ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

Rinoa sat atop her bed, the photograph cradled loosely in her hand. In it, Squall looked moodily into the camera, a ridiculous hat perched atop his head like a pea atop a mountain. She smiled slightly, caressing its worn edges. It was a guilty pleasure, to look back on these memories, both those captured in film and those that she held only in her heart, and it was one in which her boyfriend would not be terribly happy to find her indulging in. She didn't care. So many of her happiest memories were tied to him, and nothing could change that.

That day, she remembered walking along the promenade with him, happy just to be in his company and free from their obligations.

"Come on, Squall!"

She had laughed, snapping a picture of him with a novelty hat on. He, however, had looked far from amused, despite their vacation at the 'Happiest place in the world.' In fact, she reflected with more than a little amusement, he'd looked downright murderous. Taking the hat from his head, she'd placed the offending item atop her own at a jaunty angle. "You'd think," she'd teased, "that you weren't happy to have some time alone with me."

He had sighed, that particular sigh that was so terribly Squall Leonhart, and had straightened her ludicrous hat. "You know it's not that. It's just ..." Squall had trailed off, nodding ever so slightly to the throngs of people pointing in their direction. It made him uncomfortable to be revered as a hero, regardless of his actions previously. All he wanted was to lead a relatively normal life. Each day, that dream was slipped further and further from his grasp.

"Ignore them," she'd insisted. "We're here for us, not them. They've had their share of you at press conferences and the like." Her voice dropped, and she had leaned in close, wrapping her arms around his neck. "You're on my time now, Leonhart, and not a damn thing is going to get in the way of that, not least a gaggle of nosey parkers."

The long forgotten words seemed to echo around the room, and she let the photograph fall to the floor, looking up at the clock instead. His train would have left by now. He'd be sitting by the window, trying his hardest to ignore the stares that plagued him wherever he went.

"Rinoa?"

Her heart leapt at the sound of her name, and for a second, she thought he'd come back. The hope was dashed when James' head peered around the door. In that moment, her heart broke all over again, and it took a supreme effort to paste on a sunny smile. "I'm coming. I just needed to find something."

She left the photograph where it had fallen, abandoned to the dust. Just as he'd left her.

**ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

Our breakup had not been pleasant, but then, how many people can say - hand on heart - that theirs was? Heroes of the world or not, Squall and I are just like everyone else when it comes to matters of the heart.

Or maybe he's a little more retarded than most in that respect.

We were both guilty of being childish, when it came to the end. Names had been flung about with careless abandon, accusations leveled where perhaps there was no cause. The usual. I hadn't had that with Seifer. One day he was there, and the next he wasn't. I suppose that's the way a summer romance goes. I can't remember being particularly upset about his forgetting to call. I do, however, remember every slight Squall Leonhart sent my way. The monosyllabic phone calls, his aversion to physical contact, the disinterest in anything not relating to gunblades and fighting – all the things I'd thought we'd left behind at the end of our journey. To put it plainly, he drove me insane.

It was stupid, really, to think that this was it, to think that I had found my perfect partner so early on in life. He was fun, I suppose, if I'm being generous. I don't feel particularly generous.

I miss him.

I miss his stupid hair, and his stupid scar. I miss his obsession with cleaning that gunblade until it shone. I miss his breath against my neck when he held me, even if it was where no one could see us. I miss his catch-all answer for everything; "Whatever."

Yeah, Squall. Whatever.

**ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

Entering the office, Squall spied Cid going over a file. The past week had been quite relaxing, even if he never showed it. Rinoa seemed to be slightly irritated by his lack of emotion to anything and everything.

Squall felt emotion, and deeply. He just had no idea how to express it. The raven haired girl left him a jumbled mess. He had gone from empty loner to sudden girlfriend all in the matter of a few weeks. The Commander had no clue what to do, or how to act. He only hoped Rinoa could come to understand that in time.

He saluted, "Sir, I'm ready to resume my duties."

Cid looked up, "Ah, Squall. Not quite yet. There was a request from President Loire. He has asked specifically for yourself on a mission. A boat has been placed at your disposal. You will rendezvous with him at the city of Winhill, and then receive a briefing."

Squall brushed aside a fit of irritation. Despite his help during Time Compression, Laguna was hardly on his short list of favorite people. The Commander still considered him somewhat of a moron. "Do you know what the mission entails, sir?"

Cid adjusted his glasses and regarded him sympathetically, "Yes, Squall. I do. However, it is not my place to say anything. All will be revealed in due course. May I suggest you ask Ms. Heartily to go with you?"

Squall shifted uncomfortably, "She's not a SeeD. Any reason why, sir?"

Cid looked at him mysteriously, "You may need the support. Please leave immediately, Commander. It is not our policy to keep clients waiting."

Squall saluted and turned on his heel. He walked through the halls of the Garden until he reached the library. Rinoa was usually here, and today was no different. He found her in a cubicle and looked over her shoulder. She was filling out a SeeD application. Squall raised an eyebrow, "You want to join SeeD?"

She turned her head over her shoulder, "Just an idea I'm playing with. I thought you'd be busy working."

He shrugged, "Cid's sending me on a mission. He suggested I ask that you come along."

Rinoa wrote another sentence, putting her pen down, apparently done with it for the moment. "Sure, I'll come. Where we going?"

"Winhill. Laguna's got some sort of assignment for us."

**oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

The trip to Winhill was quiet, though not through want of trying on Rinoa's part. Eventually, she'd given up trying to draw Squall into any type of conversation. He was deep in thought, his hand pressed resolutely to his brow. It was a tic she knew well, one that signified the mental execution of a thousand different tactical scenarios, all of which could be tied to any number of reasons why Laguna had requested this meet.

Of course, the one reason that wouldn't cross Squall's mind was that which Rinoa felt was the most likely. She and Irvine had seen their resemblance when the two of them had been placed side by side aboard the Ragnarok. Squall's hair, now it was growing out, only increased their similarity. She was amazed no one else had cottoned on to it, given their looks and their respective pasts. It wasn't a massive leap of faith to put two and two together with the end result of Laguna fathering Squall.

The question was, however, whether he had an inkling and chose to ignore it because of how … moronic he felt the President was, or whether he was truly clueless. She was willing to bet her lifetime savings, however, that it was the former. However many things Squall was, stupid wasn't one of them, by any stretch of the imagination.

She'd tried, tentatively, to broach the subject, bringing her own paternal figure into play as a comparison, noting what a good father Laguna would make, especially when contrasted to Caraway, and how lucky anyone would be to have him in their life. She'd been met with a blank look, and a raised eyebrow.

"He'd probably drop the idiot spawn on it's head," he had replied in a dull monotone, before retreating back into his thoughts of battle formations and offensive feints.

Rinoa decided not to point out the love Ellone held for the man, deciding that some things were better not pushed. If she was right, he'd need her there for support, the only possible reason Cid had suggested her company rather than that of anyone else. She could do that. She excelled at support. She only hoped that he wouldn't be too proud to seek it.


	2. Kissed By a Rose on the Grave

It suddenly dawned on Squall that it had been three hours since he last spoke to Rinoa. He'd finally finished mentally drawing up all the different tactical scenarios he had envisioned and was satisfied. He turned around to speak to her, and found her curled up asleep in a chair in the center of the cockpit.

Smiling softly, he laid a jacket over her as a sort of blanket, and awkwardly kissed her forehead. He imagined she was pretty annoyed at his lack of responsiveness earlier, but his first job was to keep her safe. Wasn't it?

Squall had a vague uneasiness that he was failing her in some way. He'd managed to stop feeling awkward when they touched in private, he even began to like it, but publicly was another matter.

Not for the first time, he wondered where his fear of touch had begun. Rinoa was the first, and only, to break that barrier. Not even his orphanage mates had done so. They tried of course. Selphie's bone crunching hugs, Zell's offer of a handshake, Irvine's friendly clap on the shoulder; he recoiled every time they did it. They kept at it though, despite his reaction.

He guessed there was some reason for his fear that he couldn't remember. The GF's repressed long-term memory, and maybe that was a good thing. Maybe not. He currently had Shiva and Bahamut junctioned The King of Dragons was a recent addition, but Shiva had been with him since childhood. Maybe she knew something.

_Shiva?_

The rich, female voice answered in his mind, _Yes, Squall?_

He tried to think of a way to put it delicately but couldn't decide how. Blunt was probably best, _Do you know why I hate people touching me?_

_I do._

Squall mentally sighed, _And?_

She replied hesitantly, _You're not ready for the knowledge. I will share when I feel it appropriate._

He snorted, _Whatever._

The Commander knew from personal experience that she wouldn't say anything more on the subject. Rooting through his packs, he found the book that he was looking for. He was kind of looking forward to this trip in one respect. He had far too little free time. This trip would take a few more hours and it gave him a chance to catch up on some reading.

He scanned the title, Cloud Strife: Fact and Fiction, and nodded to himself to with a tiny smile. Unbeknownst to almost anyone, Squall Leonhart had a boyhood hero. The fact that Cloud had supposedly lived 4000 years prior meant nothing. As a child, he had soaked up anything and everything he could about him.

It was a hobby that Edea and Cid had indulged as well as they were able. As he began to read about Cloud, he also found that he loved studying history itself. It had become sort of a closet hobby. This book had been published recently by an Estharian professor. Squall looked forward to reclaiming a bit of his childhood.

He turned back to the boat's piloting controls, making sure it was on course, and that the sea relatively calm. With a last fond glance at Rinoa, he turned the other chair around, laying his feet upon them. Stretching out his body, he opened the book, soaking up the pages.

**ooooooooooooooooooo**

The slight jolt as the boat had come into dock had roused Rinoa from her slumber, and her brow automatically creased into a furrow as she began to awaken. Even with the past months tucked safely under her belt, nothing had dulled how little she liked being woken up. Brown eyes peeked out over the white fur that lined Squall's jacket and collar, squinting suspiciously into the cabin where he sat, intent on his preparations. Sighing inwardly, she took his jacket off, smoothing it absently as she wondered how he became such a mess of contradictions; spending the journey ignoring her, only to cover her with his jacket when she'd fallen asleep from sheer boredom.

She took up a spot behind him, draping her arms around his neck and laying her head on his shoulder. Trying to ignore the flinch, she attempted to lighten the mood, asking playfully, "Are we nearly there yet?"

A ghost of a smile traced over his lips as his muscles relaxed from their instant coil into battle readiness. "What do you think?"

Tapping his nose, she gestured to the book with a tilt of her head, "I think someone hasn't been taking their duties terribly seriously. Reading on duty, Commander?" Rinoa grinned, treating him to a chaste peck on the cheek. "Whatever would your underlings say if they knew you idolized a figure of fiction?"

"There's actually good authority that says he lived about 4000 years ago," he began to argue, shutting his mouth with a sigh when she began to shake with silent mirth, and promising himself that, one day, he'd learn not to take the bait. "Meanie."

"That's my line!" she protested, allowing him to disengage himself as he made his final preparations. "There's the President."

Squall rolled his eyes, "Great."

"Don't be like that," she chided, "Laguna's a nice guy. You've more in common with him than you think."

"Like what?"

She put a finger on her chin as she pretended to think through the answer, "Well…" she began, "How about your respective hopelessness when talking to people?"

"Whatever."

_And that,_ she thought, _is exactly what I'm talking about._

Shrugging it off, she waved to Laguna, taking his proffered hand as he helped her to shore. "This must be particularly important business if you've requested the Commander," she teased as he pulled her into a warm embrace, "Everyone wants a piece of him nowadays, and only the chosen few actually succeed."

**ooooooooooooooooo**

Laguna grinned at Rinoa. "Some of us better than others obviously, Rinoa. I'm glad you came. Everything go well with Odine? He didn't try anything?"

Rinoa shook her head, "Not as far as I can tell."

Detaching himself from Rinoa, Laguna turned to Squall. The Commander detected an extreme nervousness in his demeanor when the President looked at him. It had always been there, and Squall could never figure out why. The man was president of the most powerful nation on Gaia. It made no sense. Why would he be nervous around a simple mercenary like himself?

Laguna took a deep breath. "Hi, Squall. It's uhh…been awhile."

Squall nodded to him coolly. "You have a mission for me?"

The President scratched his head, his face betraying more than nervousness. It was almost fear. "It's…not a mission exactly. It's more of a personal nature. Do you remember when I said we should talk after this is all over?"

The Commander had always wondered about that. It probably had something to do with Ellone. _Speak of the devil. _Ellone rounded the corner and rushed to give Squall a hug. He managed to not flinch as she clasped him. "Hello, Sis. What's all this about?"

Ellone nodded in friendly fashion to Rinoa, and she said, "Squall? What do you remember about your mother?"

Confused, Squall met her gaze. "You know. She died in childbirth. Why?"

Ellone looked at him. "What was her name, Squall? Come on, try to remember."

The Commander was thoroughly confused. He hadn't thought about his mother in years. He had only recently begun to think of his childhood at all, and then only sparingly. It hadn't exactly been a happy time, and he didn't like to dwell on it. The GF's only made it harder with their memory loss.

Squall thought for a moment, the name hanging at the edge of his awareness and then abruptly disappeared again. "Sorry, can't remember."

Laguna sighed and crossed his arms. "Those GF's sure do a number on ya, don't they?"

Squall bit back some irritation. What did it matter? The fact was, they were beholden to the GF's for their success against Ultimecia. The world seemed to be rapidly settling into a time of peace, but something could flare up again at any moment. So what if he couldn't remember his childhood? Who said he wanted to?

"So, this is about my mother. Who was she?"

Laguna uncrossed his arms, "Better to show you. Follow me."

Squall blinked, "She's still alive?"

Ellone shook her head, tears nearly coming to her eyes. "No, Squall. You'll see soon enough."

Rinoa took his arm, biting her lip, and Squall had the feeling she knew something. What, he had no idea. She seemed almost as nervous as Laguna and Ellone. He looked to Laguna, "Well?"

The President closed his eyes, as if gathering strength. "Follow me."

Wordlessly, the troupe proceeded through the town. Winhill was quite a sleepy area and no one was outdoors. His hands in his pockets, Laguna said, "This place brings back a lot of memories."

Squall didn't deign him with a comment. Ellone had connected him to the Laguna of the past, and he knew well what the President was talking about. Rinoa's grasp tightened on his arm. Looking at her, he asked, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Squall." She stared ahead, apparently lost in thought. "Nothing at all."

Laguna turned at a side road, leading them away from the town to a gently rolling hillside. The troupe came to a stone marker, apparently a grave of some sort. Reading the markings, he said, "Ok, this is where Raine is buried. She was your wife right? What does this have to do with me?"

Laguna bent to the grave for a moment, his fingers tracing along the edges of it. "What was Raine's last name, Squall?"

Squall shook off Rinoa's arm and bent over to look with Laguna. "It was Loire, right?"

Chuckling ruefully, the older man said. "What was her maiden name?"

"I…" Squall shook his head. "I don't know. It was never said when Ellone connected us."

Laguna looked at him with a strangely. Squall saw the same expression on Cid's face at times when they spoke. It was almost like… fatherly love? Laguna uttered softly, "Her last name was Leonhart, Squall. Raine Leonhart."

Squall's eyes opened widely, the implications striking him all at once. How could he have not seen it? It had been so obvious. The simple answer was, he hadn't wanted to see it. Standing, he staggered back as if struck. "You…you…"

Laguna stood as well and bowed his head. "Yes, Squall. I'm your father."

Shaking with emotion, Squall's hands balled into fists and he struck Laguna across the cheek, knocking him to the ground before the Commander even knew what he had done. "All those years…all those years… I'm sitting at an orphanage, waiting, hoping for a family. And it's you. You're sitting pretty in the Presidential Palace." His face turned red with rage. "Were you laughing at me? Was that it? Was I some kind of goddamned, fucking joke!?"

Laguna rubbed his cheek, and got to a sitting position. "I guess I deserved that. No, Squall. Will you give me a moment to explain?"

"Make it fast."

"It was eighteen years ago. You didn't know what the world was like back then. It was a chaotic time. Adel had the world in a grip of terror. Soldiers came and took Ellone and I chased after them…well, you know the story." Gathering himself, Laguna continued, "What I didn't know, was that when I left Raine was pregnant. I don't think she knew quite yet either.

"After Adel was defeated, I sent Ellone back to live with Raine until things could settle down. Esthar was still a dangerous place and a lot of work had to be done. Before I knew it, I was the leader of the whole country."

Squall hissed, "I know all this."

Laguna stared ahead sadly. "Here's what you don't know. Ellone went back and lived for a short time with Raine. I always intended to go back for them after things settled down. In the meantime, Raine gave birth and died. The townspeople…" He sighed, "They hate outsiders here, Squall. Loathe them. I was always an outsider.

"They gave Ellone and you to the orphanage in Centra. By the time I got back, everything had already happened. They never told me about you, and refused to tell me where Ellone was."

Squall said in icy tones. "So, your excuse was you never knew I even existed."

"It's the truth, son." Resting his head on his knees, a tear fell from his cheek. "I'll swear any oath on that you want. I missed your entire childhood, Squall." Laguna looked at him pleadingly. "I don't want to miss any more."

Squall's mind was in an utter maelstrom. He didn't know what to think, do or say. "I think it's utter bullshit." Drawing his gunblade from his scabbard, he stalked from the gravesite to open land.

His rage knew no bounds, and the monster population of the countryside found this out the hard way. All Squall saw was a red haze as he sought out and cut down anything and everything in his path. Corpses littered the ground and Squall had no idea how long he had been at this. It could have been hours for all he knew.

Coming out of his rage, Squall glanced around and had no idea where he was. His energy spent, he sat upon the ground, tears staining his cheeks. He still didn't know what to think, didn't know what to do.

There were other things about his childhood hovering at the edge of his memory. He could remember if he wanted to reach out and grasp them, but he wasn't ready for that yet. One shock in a day was enough. He wasn't ready for other deep, dark secrets.

Lying down, he stared up at the darkening sky. "Someone…anyone…tell me what to do."

**oooooooooooooooooooooooo**

It had been better to let him work off his rage, to stand on the fringes and make sure he didn't do anything stupid in his anger, than attempt to talk; he was impossible when he was like this. She knew it was a shock, she knew it would take some getting used to, but finding out you were loved and wanted? Rinoa couldn't quite wrap her head around how that could possibly be anything other than good.

Lying down next to him, she laid her head on his chest, wrapping her arms around him warmly. "Squall?" she ventured tentatively. There was no response, and she sighed softly, squeezing her arms more tightly around his torso. "Squall, no one can tell you what to do here. This isn't a mission. This is your life. You make the choices here."

He lay silent, unmoving, and stared sullenly at the sky, his fists clenching into balls of anger. She continued on regardless. "Laguna's a nice guy, Squall, and he wants to be a good father to you. You know better than anyone what the last Sorceress War was like. Do you honestly think he's lying to you? You were in his head."

"No." It was hardly a word, more of a breath on the wind, but nevertheless it was there. Clearing his throat, he found his voice. "I don't think he's lying. But I don't see how you can counsel me to accept him into my life when you're pushing your own father away."

Rinoa bristled, sitting up and crossing her arms over her chest. "This is completely different. Your father didn't abandon you; he didn't know you existed."

"Neither did yours," he retorted, "You see what you want to."

"Pot calling the kettle black," she hissed, looking off into the distance. "Don't talk to me about Caraway."

Squall shrugged, getting to his feet. "Fine. Are you coming?"

"No. I don't want to intrude."

"You're in a mood more like."

She looked up at him, narrowing her eyes and shaking her head. "Whatever."

**oooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

Irritated, Squall looked around. "Where are we?"

Exasperated, she climbed back to her feet. "We're about a mile outside of Winhill." She looked faintly amused. "You kept traveling in circles around the town. I doubt the Bite Bugs and Caterchipillars will be a problem to the residents for awhile. So… what are you going to do?"

Squall said softly, "I don't know." Rinoa pointed out a direction and he started walking towards the town, lost in thought. No, Laguna wasn't lying, but he wasn't sure he wanted to call him father.

As he traveled, his thought process settled on taking things slow. No one said he had to make a decision today. He guessed that Laguna and Ellone were probably at the dock and he was right. Squall supposed Rinoa was still a little angry about what he'd said about Caraway. How could she expect him to confront and settle his own issues when she avoided her own?

Shaking his head imperceptibly, he supposed no one was perfect, even Rinoa. He was still a bit disappointed in her though. Spying Laguna and Ellone, he walked over to them. Managing to look somewhat guilty, he said, "I'm sorry for the way I reacted, especially for hitting you. That was uncalled for."

Laguna was rubbing his cheek, which had become swollen and bruised in the meantime. "It's ok. I'm sure it was quite a shock."

Squall took a deep breath. "I'm not sure if I want to call you father. I'm not sure I ever will. But…I'm not closing the door."

Ellone smiled and laid a hand on Laguna's shoulder while his face turned hopeful. "That's about the best I can expect right now."

Squall glanced at Ellone and Laguna. The two obviously had a close relationship, despite everything that had happened. It rankled that he had laid everything on the line for Ellone, and Squall had never received a thing. The Commander was suddenly inexplicably jealous of his adopted sister. _He didn't even know you existed, idiot._

His thoughts still in turmoil, Squall shook his head. "Whatever we decide to do, it's going to have to wait. I'm the Commander of Garden. I have responsibilities and I'd better get back to them."

"Yeah, umm..sure." Laguna reached into his pocket and handed him a piece of paper which Squall could barely read. The man's handwriting was atrocious. "The direct line to my office. Call me anytime."

Squall stared at it for a minute and could finally discern the numbers. "Ok, I'll call when I'm able."

Laguna started to extend a hand, and Squall, wincing inwardly, slowly took it, managing not to flinch. "Goodbye for now."

Turning on his heel, Squall left before anything else could be said. Rinoa followed and her eyes narrowed at him. "You should have given him more than that."

Squall fixed her with a glare. "What do you want from me?"

She shouted, "How about acting human every great once in a while! That man has waited eighteen years and all you can do is give him an 'I'll call you!'"

Squall's ire rose at her words. What did she expect? Squall to throw his arms around Laguna and call him daddy? How could she, when she wouldn't do the same herself. "I'll tell you what, Rinoa Caraway. You make up with your dad and I'll make up with mine."

Wordlessly, he stepped on the boat, leaving a fuming Rinoa behind.

**ooooooooooooooooooo**

"Heartilly!" She yelled after him, "Rinoa HEARTILLY!"

Rinoa stamped her foot in a fit of temper, throwing a rock after him that hit him squarely in the middle of his back. To his credit, he neither flinched nor turned, progressing steadily to the cabin where no doubt he would wait for her so that they could begin their long, wordless journey back to Garden.

She had never been one to do what was expected of her, and so she turned on her heel, heading away from the docks and toward the fields, pointedly ignoring the heat of his stare on her back. He wanted to play the game that way? So be it. She'd had far more experience than he on this particular playing field, and she could beat him fair and square. Playing the dutiful daughter to get her own way wasn't a foreign concept, and it wasn't as if she couldn't take it all back when he had made good on his side of the challenge.

"Caraway," she muttered, pacing the fields littered with monster corpses. "Fucking _Caraway._ He has some fucking nerve…"

She headed back into town. Her strides were purposeful, and the townsfolk watched as the petite brunette stomped her way to a payphone, rummaging around in her pocket for a spare gil. The phone rang once, twice, before being picked up by a snooty woman with a clipped accent.

"General Caraway's office, how may I help?"

"I'd like to speak with the General, please."

"May I ask who's calling?"

Rinoa nodded, an unconscious action that quelled the rising panic in her throat. Her fingers wound the cord of the phone tightly around them, the tips turning white as the pressure cut off the flow of blood. "Yes, please tell him it's Rinoa. He-" She hesitated, before biting back her indecision. "Tell him it's his daughter."


End file.
